im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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