I accidentally had phone sex last night
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
