Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
