I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
