She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
