Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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