I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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