They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
