She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
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