Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
