I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish i was in the wii world.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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