3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hate all girls vehemently.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
