im six kinds of drunk right now
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
