So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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