32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
