This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
