I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
