I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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