my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
