she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
