what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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