I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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