I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
you never un-have a 4some
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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