You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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