Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize