Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize