Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
