handjob tips. give me some.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
