giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
