I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
