pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize