But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize