i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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