OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
