dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
