Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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