dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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