Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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