my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
