I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want her autograph on my taint
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
