If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
