you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
