Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
