my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm always down for nudity.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
