i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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