trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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