am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
