guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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