He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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