a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
