Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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