So drunk its hurt
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
