Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize