I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
