and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
