Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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