in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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