STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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