It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
