she woke up with a sticky ear
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
