Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
a search helicopter?!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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