Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
