my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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