I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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