I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
