I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sober January is a disaster.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
