i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
