I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
