just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
