You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
