I heard we made out
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
